FIFTEEN

Being 15 is hard.  Parenting 15 is hard too.  I know why she doesn't think she needs to study for that test anymore.  I also know that I need to push her just a little bit so that she can see what she can do.  I remember the struggles of that age.  Her struggles are different than mine were, but they are also so much the same.  At first, I try to remember what I wanted to hear when I was where she is.  Then I really try to remember what I needed to hear.  I'm sure what I wanted to hear was the door closing behind someone and for everyone to just leave me alone.  This seems so much easier.  Even now.  Let's not talk about it (because then I have to think about it).  But that's not really how we do things.  We've always talked.  She's always resisted.  But, she's always listened too.  When she's ready, she comes to me.  We talk, on her terms and in her time.  "I understand", I tell her.  And I really do.  In the end I tell her that leaving her completely alone is not an option and that I will never do that, no matter how hard she pushes me away.  She sarcastically replies, "That's obvious" with an eyeroll.  And I say "Good, because you need to know that I will never leave you alone.  Ever."  And only then, do I close the door behind me.